Baby C is here!

Image

Baby C is here!

His beautiful self has been with us for ten days now. We are exhausted, and loving it. Queer girl is doing well too.

During the days he is usually the sweetest, quietest baby. At night, he is more like an adorable hungry baby dragon. Breastfeeding is going well, we are very occasionally supplementing (3 times so far) despite the fear-mongering about doing so, so as to try to buy queer girl some rest and to protect her health. More generally, we are trying to find the path that is right for us while navigating/dodging the mountains of advice we are getting (people really do give so much!). Most of the advisers are also key helpers, as is so often the case, so deep gratitude mixed with some boundary setting.

Back to bleary eyed newborn land, but wanted to report sweet baby C’s arrival.

Advertisements

36 weeks!

Image

36 weeks!

Hopefully that pink bird is coming soon to this city apartment. Our 36 week ultrasound went well- tiny tiny is not too big and not too small, still juuust right.

Queer girl has been dealing with gestational diabetes, which really takes the fun out of eating while pregnant, what with the constant mindfulness about what to eat and how often and the blood sugar testing four times a day. She’s been such a champ about it, and is managing to control her blood sugar with diet, but it sure is hard work. Combined with some high blood pressure she’s been experiencing and now treating with medication, queer girl has been patiently dealing with too many weekly doctor’s appointment at the high risk clinic, which includes some really unfortunate fear-mongering from them, despite queer girl being possibly the most compliant patient ever. Queer girl is off from work now so that really helps her attend the enormous number of weekly appointments apparently required to ensure that her and tiny tiny are on track.

I am working way too much these days and the weekends are mostly exhausted catch ups, adoration of queer girl, and efforts to get ready for tiny tiny.

Excited for the final lap of this part of the voyage!

Not too big and not too small

Image

Not too big and not too small

But just right! Good news is that tiny tiny is right in the middle, at the 48th percentile. Queer girl has some stuff that might make tiny tiny run big, and some stuff that might make tiny tiny, well, run small. Turns out they seem to be leveling each other out right now. Yay for tiny tiny being just right! Although really, big, small, medium, all sound good to us as long as the little one is doing well.

Next ultrasound in one month.

32 week ultrasound

Image

32 week ultrasound

Out of an abundance of caution, queer girl’s doctor wants us to get a 32 week ultrasound, and then another one even closer to the due date, at 36 weeks. This is for reasons there is no need to detail here, but basically he wants to check to make sure tiny tiny is neither too big nor too small. So much pressure on the little one already!

So, we’re off to the 32 week ultrasound, which of course is a bit nerve-wracking because when wouldn’t it be? It is also exciting… More soon.

31 weeks!

Image

31 weeks!

Just a quick update to say we are at 31 weeks and all is well! That special mix of excitement and terror is growing stronger… certain things are being purchased despite superstitions, and queer girl is doing great, although definitely feeling the cumbersome aspects of third trimester.

20 weeks!

Image

20 weeks!

A quick note to say that all is well! No sign of the fetal neck cyst on the 20 week ultrasound, and the little ball of cells is doing great and not so little anymore (80th percentile!).

We are sooo excited and still nervous of course (was that a cramp? why movement yesterday and none today?) but overall just very grateful for each day.

Queer girl looks fantastic and adores delicious things and is feeling well overall other than some constant heartburn.

I am also doing well.

I should say though for any trans people reading this who have eggs and are considering being an egg donor generally or to their partner or friend or whatever – there has been only one longstanding side effect for me. It has not been easy to lose the 7 or so pounds that the IVF hormones put right on my thighs/butt. Don’t get me wrong- I am very fat positive. I only bring it up because as a trans guy who generally passes without taking hormones, little shifts in weight around that area can interfere with passing and make finding clothes even more difficult. So far I haven’t had any passing trouble and I am working on it by staying on the regular gym regime. Also, queer girl’s great appetite for delicious things just might be interfering with my thigh reduction program. Well, I can’t just leave her eating all that stuff alone, can I?

Overall, feeling very grateful for today!

12 week ultrasound

Well, it’s been awhile, and queer girl and I have mostly been enjoying the summer. On the post egg donor front, I feel like after two regular cycles, my moods had finally recovered and I am feeling better- so to any future trans guys egg donors out there, I could understand why a few clean cycles with no hormones of any kind would be useful after egg donation.

But this post is about something else. We went for the 12 week screen a few days ago- where they do an ultrasound plus blood tests to look for chromosomal abnormalities. We already had the 6, 8, and 10 week ultrasounds under our belt so we were feeling pretty ok albeit still nervous of course because this one was a different ball game. It was not at our clinic but with this doctor who has a reputation for being excellent skill-wise but gruff. And gruff he was.

First of all, he couldn’t see enough to do the ultrasound “regularly”, so he had to do a transvaginal one. Queer girl was used to this- it was how her other three had been, but Dr. Gruff seemed annoyed. Then, unlike at the clinic, he didn’t have much nice to say. At our clinic they were always so enthusiastic and encouraging. He did say a few quick nice things but then he was mostly silent and focused on getting the fetus to turn because they weren’t quite in the right position for all the measurements he needed.

At first he just told queer girl to cough but when that didn’t work, Dr. Gruff proceeded to repeatedly shake the ultrasound wand inside queer girl.
and when that didn’t work, he started to push his hand repeatedly into her stomach, hard, and then back with shaking the wand. Oddly, he did this all quietly and without warning.

Throughout he took pictures and appeared to be measuring things but all without much comment. Perhaps this is regular but compared to our clinic experiences it was so strange. His silence was also nerve wracking and it was hard to know how to process my anger and confusion at him for being a jerk and to know whether i also needed to be worried

Finally, it was coming to an end, and he pointed to the screen and said- see that spot- we will talk about that after. It just looked like a small black spot. Obviously this statement was so worrisome.

So as it turns out, our screen itself for chromosomal abnormalities went well- our risks were all very low.

There was, however, a small unilocular cyst on the fetus’ neck. That was the spot.

What did this mean? The doctor told us that it was probably nothing but it needs to be followed. That it may have only been because he did a transvaginal ultrasound that he saw it all. Had there been two cysts, apparently that would have been a sign of significant chromosomal issues, but one is usually nothing and often it gets reabsorb. He said that at the twenty week ultrasound they need to be sure to look on the left side to check on it.

Because we were expecting terrible news based on his attitude, I pressed him on worst case scenarios and he talked about growths removed at birth and then about genetic counselling and personal choices. That was the worst part. I had no idea what this genetic counselling stuff was and it seemed terrifying. Also we just had this cloud over us because he had been such a jerk and it was hard to differentiate between his jerkiness and the news and whether they were connected.

That’s all for now. We are supposed to follow up at our first ob/gyn appointment next week. At first, we spent too much time scared and googling but that was incredibly not helpful and I now know more about several different types of fetal neck cysts than is ever useful and we are left in the same place if not worse because Dr. Google is much more frightening than Dr. Gruff ever was.

So the message on repeat now is: It is probably nothing. If it is something we can all get through it. We are full of hope, and gratitude, and hope. And breath, and repeat, and hope.

10 weeks, 5 days

Image

 

Just a quick update to say that we are at 10 weeks and 5 days, and all is well. Officially graduated from the fertility clinic yesterday, after our last (3D) ultrasound.

For the record, the 3D ultrasound- totally not necessary. Just mostly confusing and weird. Is that an ear, an egg sack, or the umbilical cord? Is that a lump, or an arm?

We do not actually need sooooo much constant information and photos, queer girl and I. For me at least, just tell me the little peanut is still alive and kicking and everything looks fine, and that is all I need to know. The nature of the fertility centres though is that you get a lot of follow-up, a lot of information.

We will go for our nuchal translucency screening (see: http://www.babycenter.com/0_nuchal-translucency-screening_118.bc) on August 19th.

It is interesting to be followed so closely because so many of our friends decide not to do any of these tests. For us though we are feeling like it keeps making sense to do what the doctors tell us, and then we will deal with the information we get, as we go.

In other news, we are feeling so excited and nervous to be nearing the end of the first trimester…. so hopeful…

Tomorrow’s ultrasound

So tomorrow morning is our next ultrasound. Feeling much less nervous about what could go wrong and much more excited about the pregnancy. Because… There is just so much to worry about that I couldn’t possibly cover all of the bases and anyway, save devastation for later, there’ll be plenty of time to focus on it if its needed!

For now queer girl and I are really enjoying dreaming of our lives with super gaybie to be…

Will update with news tomorrow. Ok maybe I lied a bit, I’m still pretty nervous! So do send good wishes if you have some to spare.